like a good neighbor

or the opposite. these are some new basic "rules" i think i am going to post on my door. i think that my neighbors think that the complex is empty besides them. and it is getting ridiculous. if you are short on time, skip down to rule 6. it is the most important one.

dear neighbors,

please observe the following rules. effective...immediately

1. no talking/shouting/cursing out your former friends on the phone while standing on your porch between the hours of 6:ooam and 7:00am. as your porch is next to my bedroom window where i am trying to sleep.

2. should you decide to invite all your friends from the surrounding area to "your pool"...see if they can arrive before midnight. please don't play a drunken screaming game of marco polo at 1am, as it seems that with alcohol comes memory loss as to who is supposed to be saying "polo".

3. i realize that i have a really nice courtyard in front of my house, but your patio is equally as nice upstairs. so if you feel the need to "rock out" to awesome late 90's hits and smoke an entire pack of cigarettes...it would be awesome if you could use your patio instead of my front porch. as my bathroom is right inside the courtyard it is unpleasant to get out of the shower and smell like cigarette smoke.

4. what ever you are saying to upset your roommate at midnight resulting in slamming of the door and almost knocking the art work of of my wall...please don't say it anymore. i really like the pictures on my wall and would like to keep them in one piece.

5. please, please, please, never ever ever again clear your throat and spit off of your patio in the direction of my apartment. if you have a cold or some sort of sore throat, please go to the doctor. i will let you use my insurance if needed. but please, no more throat clearing at the 5 and 55 every hour!

and last but not least, (and possibly the favorite)

6. if you feel the need to listen to selena's awesome hit "dreaming of you"...do so only once. no need to have it on repeat for a hour. nor do i need to hear you trying to dance to it from below. it is a slow song you know.

warm regards,

your super friendly and polite neighbor

i may not be stoked at the idea of moving. but i am totally stoked at the idea of getting some new neighbors and not living in a giant "fish bowl" as pace likes to call it. windows on all sides of the apartment. lots of light...and lots of noise!